The Taylor Swift Chiefs Are World Champions!

1. Back-to-Back Champs! Chiefs Do it Again

In an overtime thriller, the Chiefs won the Super Bowl 25-22 over the 49ers in Overtime. The Chiefs are the first team to repeat as champs since the Patriots in 2004. The game started as a defensive battle, with only one touchdown in the first half, but the offenses came alive at the end of the game when it mattered most. Down 3 in Overtime, Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs had one drive for a chance to win the game. He stepped up in big moments, converting a 4th down and delivering the game-winning touchdown pass to Mecole Hardman.

Mahomes' performance earned him MVP, his third Super Bowl MVP win. The Chiefs will not relinquish their throne on the NFL’s top spot. For the Niners, their window may have closed as next year some key contracts expire, and they will either need to trade away their best players or find themselves in a tricky financial situation.

2. Stars, Spongebob, and Temu?

The Super Bowl is the biggest spectacle in sports, and made sure to have a little something for everyone. For the millennials, they got to relive their college glory days with Usher’s performance. The Swifties were able to see Taylor biting her nails with nerves as the seconds ticked down. Pop culture fans saw Ice Spice trying to learn what football is in real time. Even the kids had a Spongebob broadcast, that Plankton I guess invaded?

It’s hard to say what the moment of the night was, but you’d be hard pressed to find something better than Jason Kelce giving Taylor a giant bearhug and then completely switching gears to give Ice Spice the most respectful handshake the world has ever seen. On the bad side, we got three separate commercials from a company called Temu, which we will not promote besides to say the ads were annoying and hope they go away forever.

3. Host Countries Prevail in Continental Cups

Qatar had not one, not two, but three penalties awarded in their championship win over Jordan. The game, held in Doha, served as the defining moment for the Qataris’ decade-long endeavor to improve the state of soccer in Qatar and the Middle East more broadly. The country has invested enormous money to host the World Cup and now the Asian Cup, youth players development, and sponsorships of foreign leagues, and now they reap the rewards sitting atop the Asian soccer world. 

Traveling Southwest, Ivory Coast is enjoying a similar fate. Their golden generation of Yaya and Kolo Toure, Gervinho, and Didier Drogba is over, but the excitement of the home crowd spurred a second half comeback (including this incredible goal) for the Ivorians to defeat Nigeria 2-1 to win the AFCON trophy. For the next week, we’ll be seeing clips from celebrations in Yamoussoukro and we absolutely cannot wait. 

4. LeBron James Jr. and USC Are an Awful Basketball Team

This is more of an op-ed, but with my own eyes I had to sit and watch the worst display of basketball I’ve seen since my Middle School girls’ team was losing 22-0 at half and had scored a bucket on their own hoop. USC’s roster includes Isaiah Collier, the former #1 player in the country, Bronny James, no further explanation needed, and a plethora of other top recruits the school shelled out big NIL money for.

Stanford was beating the brakes off these boys. Stanford scored 99 points and eased off with about 10 minutes left. Peja Stojakovic’s kid put 20 points on Bronny’s head off the bench.

The USC team was openly fighting with each other on the court. I’m so serious I am absolutely livid I wasted a perfectly good Saturday night to watch that embarrassment. There was a whole photographer there to take pictures of Bronny doing windmill dunks in warmups, only to lose by 30 to STANFORD. Fire every coach associated with this program. They are absolutely dreadful.

5. Waste Management Open: I Thought This Was America?

The Waste Management Open is a golf tournament in Scottsdale, Arizona, best known for being the most acceptable golf event to get rowdy for. Things got a bit out of hand as it turned into “drunken shitshow” (direct quote). We had shirtless dudes diving headfirst into the bunker, shirtless dudes sliding around in the mud, and shirtless dudes with their pants falling off seemingly unable to function as a human.

The noise from the crowd, who by protocol should be quiet during a shot, got to the golfers. Zach Johnson told a fan to shut up and Billy Horschel pleaded to the crowd to “shut the hell up” because “it’s our fucking job.” Tournament officials after calling over a dozen ambulances for fans finally shut down alcohol sales and started turning fans away. I guess we just can’t have fun anymore these days.

For real, the roller skates were impressive

What kind of example is that for the kids?!

But she got her moment

Head Coach playing all time QB at the frat? This is peak America 

She wore a crown and she came down in a bubble!

“This is so embarrassing” I say about something I couldn’t comprehend attempting to do

FIGHT!!!!!

Quite the slogan for Austin Peay State

Oldest and greatest country does it again

-The Fastbreakk